mancha_sama | Life hits hard sometimes

I have not had a good few weeks. Major depression. Stress. Fights with people I care about. It has been hard, and everyone around me could see how much I was falling apart, except for me. I thought I could break through, if I was patient for just a bit longer.

It's not that easy. I hurt my friends just by being miserable, upsetting them which upset me, in a vicious cycle. Depression is not pretty, and it's not just you who's affected.

What finally broke through was anger, and frustration, for a friend, but also in something that hit far too close to home. I was hired on with a fellow worker, with the promise of a full time job in six months. Nine months later, that person got fired, and I am still not hired full time. It was the worst news I could have heard. Even getting fired myself would have hurt less.

Yet in an odd way, I was able to breathe again. I felt energy again. How horrible, but I wanted to get out and do something about it. I am determined to hold onto this, to not let myself fall back into that black pit any time soon. My friends will be there to stuff my own words back in my face if they see the signs again.

I don't really want comments to this post. This is just a reminder to myself, and an apology to those who suffered for me.

Thank you, you have my heartfelt love and appreciation.